I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the qualities I find lacking in myself and those I wish to develop. Perhaps it’s the daunting march towards 50 or perhaps it’s simply the reaction to the precarious position I have come to in this wild ride I call my life. For whatever reason, inward analysis is occurring more and more often.
I’ve come to at least one revelation and that is my tendency to excuse myself from achievements under the guise of waiting for “a better”. Whether “a better” refers to a better time, a better temperature, a better shoe, a better route, a better night’s sleep, a better pre-run meal. The potential list of betters is endless and I have achieved Elite status in finding a better “a better” as I go along.
What perplexes me most is the psychology behind this “a better” mentality. What ticks in me that is conspicuously missing from others? Or perhaps better stated, what do they have that I don’t? I’ve mentioned a couple of times as of late that I think those who participated in sports as children seem to have a quality in their bellies which propels them towards athletic success in later years. Perhaps it’s a sense of confidence or simply a higher level of discipline. But then again, as I give thought to these differences, it occurs to me that I’ve only succeeded in finding another “a better”. This time, a better childhood. (See…I told you I was quite good at this game.)
Whatever the reasoning behind my mindset, I think the answer lies in simply the doing. Forcing myself to get out of my own head and out of my own way. Allowing myself to struggle, to suffer (just a little!), to find my own limits and to just keep going despite the circumstances. There will always be a cooler temperature, a more supportive shoe, a more nutritional meal, a more restful night’s sleep and a better fitting pair of shorts but there is also no better time in my life than NOW. Now is perfect because it is here and every minute offers me 60 perfect seconds to use as I wish. And that my friends, is better than nothing.
“There are two things we should always be 1. raw and 2. ready. When you are raw, you are always ready and when you are ready you usually realize that you are raw. Waiting for perfection is not an answer, one cannot say “I will be ready when I am perfect” because then you will never be ready, rather one must say “I am raw and I am ready just like this right now, how and who I am.”
~ C. JoyBell C. ~